The Grief Experience

Here is an article about grief. At the Center we see grief as a universal response to loss, which is expressed in extremely unique ways.

Grief is the natural, healthy, spontaneous, unlearned, normal, emotional, healing process that occurs after a significant loss. Grief is experienced uniquely by each of us, and is often experienced in waves, with emotions, thinking, physical, and social responses coming and going in terms of the intensity, duration, and order of our reactions to the loss. In addition there are many other variables that can affect our grief reaction.

Emotional Components of loss can include:

Shock, numbness, feeling of unreality
Helplessness
Vulnerability
Fearfulness
Sadness
Anger, irritability
Emptiness, loneliness
Guilt
Carelessness, harming oneself or others in any way
Outbursts, euphoria

Cognitive Components of loss can include:
Slowed and/or disorganized thinking
Confusion, aimlessness, difficulty concentrating
Preoccupation, rumination
Unaffected, no thoughts at all about the person or the circumstances
Dreams
Decreased self-esteem
Altered perceptions, sensing the presence of the deceased person

Physical Components of loss can include:
Fatigue, sleep disturbance
Decreased or increased appetite
Physical distress, nausea
Anxiety, hypo- or hyperactivity
Greater susceptibility to illness

Social Components of loss can include:
Being unaware of others' needs
Passivity
Withdrawing from or avoiding others
Decreased work productivity
Loss of interest in usual pleasures, including hobbies, relationships and/or sex
Strained relationships, differences in grieving needs between self and others

Variables that can affect your grief reaction:
Your own history of past losses, through deaths, divorce, relocation, lost dreams, phase of life changes. Violations of one's safety (accidents, fire, personal trauma, world crises), or health changes
Your current personal and situational stressors
Your personal beliefs in a faith tradition or spiritual practice
Your cultural and family expectations about loss
If the loss is anticipated or unanticipated
If the loss is marked by traumatic events
The degree to which closure with the person was possible
A "loss out of season," for the person who has died or for you
Your ability to share the loss with others
Your coping style and use of stress management resources
Working through past hurts and forgiveness issues
Finding a way to make meaning of the loss

Grieving is a process. There is no correct timetable for the waves and reactions of grief. Yet, as you work through your grief, you can regain your balance, develop a sense of completeness, and re-engage in life in a deeper way. Your self-awareness in the process can be a personal journey and also one you may wish to share with others, through family, friendship, and work circles, or through professional and community resources.

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