The Phases of Mourning

Much has been said and written about the so-called stages of mourning. It is more useful and accurate to conceive of mourning in terms of phases that are non-linear and highly personal. Yes, as humans our experience of loss and mourning are universal, but the range of subjective reactions are unique to each person. To mourn in a healthy way is to take the time and energy necessary to experience these "phases: recognize the loss, react to the separation that has occurred through loss, recollect the realities of the lost relationship, and begin to readjust and reinvest in order to move adaptively into a "new world" without forgetting the old. When complications in mourning occur it is usually because there has been some failure or distortion of the natural phases of mourning described above. Denying, repressing, or avoiding aspects of the loss and its pain, invariably lead to complications in mourning. There are other factors which predispose mourners to complications. Theresa Rando, PhD has written extensively on this subject. These factors include: loss of child, death after an over-lengthy illness, death the mourner perceives as preventable, a relationship with the deceased that was marked by anger, ambivalence, and/or dependency.

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